Looking back = no bueno

I have figured out that looking back does me so much damage. I am so strong and completely fine as long as I stay in the present... the trips down memory lane just tear me to pieces. I can't wait until I can look back, smile and move on. I just came across a few pictures of Paoli and I. It could my mind back to a kind of happiness that I can't really get anywhere else. There's really no reason to sit and long for the past. It seems like such a simple concept but truly...why on Earth spend anytime at all wishing you could rewind time? NEWSFLASH--- it CAN'T be done! so get over it.. and spend the time and energy on the future and  the positive.

Blogging Deprived

I cannot believe I've let so much time pass. I'm finally starting to get into a little routine so I will weave blogging back into it somewhere. I can tell you that it likely won't happen during the week.. My Monday thru Fridays are insanely packed with work, feeding myself, and resting for the next day's work. I have to say... I'm extremely grateful for my job. Although, I don't make near enough money..  I'm learning a ton, I am surrounded by great people, and I think it's a wonderful opportunity. It's so nice to be back in a professional (not stuffy) environment. I am thoroughly enjoying the systems, the policies, the structures and the logic that my last job was seriously lacking. So here I am all settled into my life as the typical Hollywood Assistant. It's hysterically cliche. There's a book called The Hollywood Assistant's Handbook and it's so literally dead on!! While this life is exactly what I wanted.. there's one thing missing.. my family. I will have very little time to go visit them for a while and it's breaking my heart. I miss my entire family terribly. This week has been a struggle with missing those who I have a particularly strong bond with. Paoli is one of those that I've considered family for so long... so when I say I'm missing my family.. he's included. It's hard to go through transitions and milestones without that person you'd always imagined being there. I'm coping magnificently, if I must say so myself. It's not even a romantic relationship that I'm really missing right now. I don't feel a need for that in my life right now...I miss the true friendship - the real friendship. I do love my friends here. Erika and Crystal have been real life savers.. but there is nothing comparable to a  friendship that comes from sharing everything so intimately for 7 years.

Another interesting aspect of my life is the spiritual one---I've recently started getting into this movement call MSIA (Movement for Spiritual Inner Awareness). They have these peace gardens that i've only been to once but I'm really wanting to go back! They are so relaxing.

Speaking of relaxing, in the very little spare time that I have these days, I've been reading this book that Ariel sent me called "Eating Animals." Thus far... it's pretty interesting. I will keep you posted if I recommend it as a must-read.

Anyway-- I'm actually at work now.. so must get back to busy.. shhhhh!!!

Live for the moments...

So much has changed since I've last written. It's a shame I haven't been writing because I've experienced some really interesting thought processes recently. I haven't been able to sit down with time for myself because luckily mom is in town helping me move. I'm officially out of my Calabasas Apartment and into my Sherman Oaks studio. I'm totally in love with it. It's so much closer to everything, my mom helped me decorate it adorably, and all of my neighbors are really very nice. I've had a few very important interviews in the past week and I'm excited to tell the story. I applied to a receptionist position from craigslist to a PR Firm called Fifteen Minutes. I had no idea what it was I just sent my resume in because I was desperately seeking anything full time! To my surprise, they called me. I did my research on the company and became very excited! I went in and interviewed with the controller and speaking with her was an absolute pleasure. She really liked me as well and immediately sent me over to meet with the COO. I left the office feeling really confident. Before I even got to my car, they called me to set up an interview with the CEO. I met with him on Wednesday and they called me Thursday to tell me that I was overqualified for the receptionist position. Instead they offer me the position of Assistant to the CEO. I am so excited!!!! It's such a great opportunity and I really think it will work out beautifully. I will be sending in the signed offer letter on Monday morning and likely starting work next week. I'm very nervous but feeling up to the challenge.

So that's the job front....the social/love/sex life has been rather interesting. As I said before my mom's been in town for over a week so it's pretty much been she and I working hard to get me into my new place but we've also had time for some fun! We went to The Happy Together Tour and hung out with her friends from the band. It was great! The hotel where we stayed happened to be having a beauty pageant so I got tipsy and went and watched. It was so disgusting. They are just absolutely molding those children to be superficial bitches. Mom and I then bought a tiara and joked about it all night! We had so much fun. We then decided to buy tickets to see Michael McDonald, Boz Scaggs, and Donald Fagen at the Greek Theatre. What a show!?!?

The guy who I was slightly dating (hanging out 5 times in 2 weeks.. I call that dating) and I have slightly "fizzled out" as Erika would say. We haven't really been talking too much. We send each other the occasional flirty/slutty text but that relationship is largely physical and we both know it. It's okay because I truly do believe I am fine with that. I've never really had a casual thing like this but it's fun. We're definitely going nowhere.. that's for sure. On the other hand.. there's this guy who I had a massive crush on my freshman year of college who I never really got to know back then. We've been in touch lately and it's been super fun. He's actually flying out to check out LA in a couple weeks and he's going to stay with me. I'm excited about that. I'm definitely and temporarily enjoying the slightly superficial relationships because I have so much other stuff to focus on right now that anything to heavy has no place in my life. I do have to admit I miss Paoli pretty bad sometimes. I've figured out that I'm absolutely fine if I just don't allow myself to go there in my head. It's when I start dwelling on it that I start to get evil thoughts. When I get real with myself and say, "Brenna, it's fucking over. It's been over. Get over it"....believe it or not, it helps. It's tough love with myself but it's necessary.


Anyway, I'm embracing every good moment in life right now. I'm trying not to think too far ahead of each moment so that I can really be in it. If you are reading this, I recommend trying it. I really put this into practice the other day when my mom and I went for a run on a gorgeous trail and I was initially thinking, "okay, we can't do this for long, we need to move this and that, and shop for this and go here and there, etc, etc, etc." I looked around at all the beauty and I said, "Brenna, you are missing this moment. You are here, but you're not really." I finally understand this concept of bringing yourself back to the "center" if you will. When you are doing something enjoyable, take a minute. Look around, take deep breaths, smell, observe your environment and the people in it. Really try to feel and remember, because those little moments of joy are what will get you through the less enjoyable times. The better you can recall them, the better you will be.