My ex of 8 years wonders why I won't speak to him... he wrote this letter to his boss while we were still sleeping together and he was driving a car in my name.
Still wondering?
My dearest love,
Yes, this is under the influence ( I am off tomorrow, drank with my crazy ass roomie). No, it neither aids nor reduces my ability to feel.
Every night I am without you I am torn. Every night. The fact that rather soon I will not even be able to sleep next to you nor touch you nor kiss you is agonizing. I actually had a second thought today. What if I stay? What if I grant you some more patience?
But for what. You aren't ready. Neither am I. I am debating whether or not to send this e-mail. You said Alex knew about me. Let me rephrase. You said he knew we speak.
Does he know I have slept over (and did more than sleep and more than once)? Does he know you told me you love me (more than once)? Does he know we will be husband and wife? Does he know you spent 2 hours the other day trying to convince me I was crazy and delusional... only for you to admit that the only reason you pretend to act cold is because otherwise you wouldn't be able to control yourself around me?
Do not share us unless you present a complete, accurate picture. I'd rather you didn't disclose our relationship to him. I know you can't possibly be being honest. If about nothing or no one else, I demand we be honest about us. I acknowledge I am out of my mind for you, you occasionally acknowledge the same. When I speak of you to anyone, I definitely say you drive me crazy... followed immediately by saying you are the love of my life and that I hope you drive me crazy for the rest of my days. I am having difficulty imagining my existence without you right now. Life will become so mundane, so uninspired again.
I will stop here. I know I promised you a few days off. Forgive this aberration. I simply wanted to express the depth of my concern about leaving the love of my life and try to persuade you to not disrespect the honesty that exists between you and I. If you are going to talk about me, talk about me as you did to your friend... say you met the love of your life, not that we are friends... acknowledge what we both know, that we truly were designed for each other... not that we are 'friends and stay in touch'. It is so much more than that. You know this.
Goodness... do not know what you did to me but I am yours. Listen to Nina Simones 'I Put a spell on you'. That is your song for what you do to me. Good night. Love you. Forgive me if this made you angry, annoyed, uncomfortable... all those wonderful emotions I put you through. I know when you say I am here to ruin you, that I am the worst... It is you fighting this, to your last breath. Sorry, you will not win that one. As long as I know you love me, that you feel it... I will fight you back. Bonne nuit ma cherie.
