Day 10.. was yesterday I think?

It's weird how when you are with someone for so long how much they become a possession of sorts. I entertain the idea of someone else touching me and I think wait no.,, that's not just mine to pass around... Such a funny thing. I think about someone else touching Paoli and I don't really feel mad or sad.. I just feel like oh that's weird that someone else can just do whatever they want because it's been my possession for so long. It's kinda cute actually.. But I wonder what the average time for that to fade is. How does it work? Do you wait until those thoughts are completely gone to allow someone else in or do you allow someone else in in order to get over it? 

Well these are just some random thoughts as I am doing some facebook stalking while I wait on David to get his bags at the airport. I look at old pics of Paoli and I... I see him touching my side or hugging me... I can't imagine that if I wanted (which I really don't at this point) someone else to do those things.. It would actually be my choice. It has not been mine to give away for a very long time. Even when we were apart in the past, I didn't let my mind go there because I always knew he would come back... But this time I'm going there. I have to. There's no turning back. I was telling my mom that it's so different to not have that ONE person who knows you better than anyone else in the world. When thats gone, its just you and yourself who know you like that. I cried a bit but I'm feeling better now. 

I sat in on a drum circle/jam session today. It was interesting and allowed for me to enter a very meditative state. It was nice. Something I wouldn't really share with just anyone is the fact that it was a group of Christian boys... And something kind of weird happened during it. I thought I heard someone playing the flute. It was freaky.

I'm so excited. My mom went to Ikea and bought a bunch of stuff to complete my apartment today. It feels nice to make my home a little more mine. 

More randomness... I was thinking about much I can enjoy myself If I stay in the present. If I do not think about all the things that I had in the past that are gone... I can thoroughly enjoy myself. If I don't dwell on what I'm going to do about a partner in the future.. I feel wonderful. Doesn't that seem like such a simple concept? I've been doing really well wit it dayside. Haha, it's these damn dimly lit Italian restaurants playing frank Sinatra that are screwing me up.

Oh my word- I washed my car today for the first time in a long time and now the dent from my minor accident is shining so brightly! It hurts me every time I look at it. What a stupid move! Speaking of stupid move... I almost walked right through the screen door again today!! I'm trying to befriend my new neighbor so I'm always running out the door to see if it's him pulling up! haha. 

The only picture that I have for this post was the one I randomly took of my speedometer while I was waiting for David to come out of the airport.--Not too exciting.