Tonight..

Tonight.. I am overwhelmed with sadness. In this very moment.. all of my life feels wrong. I feel

BETRAYED

LIED TO

EMBARRASSED

TAKEN FOR GRANTED

UNAPPRECIATED 

LIKE A FOOL

HURT

The truth is.. I can only feel this way if I let myself. Why do I give a shit what people who don't truly love or care about me think at all? I should not care. I should not be embarrassed by what others say about me or the way I've been tossed around like a fucking volleyball. I know that each time I went in.. it was because I believed him with my whole heart. I just hate that bets were made on the fate of my heart and the fact that I'm just a practical joke to some.

I need to put back on the pair of glasses that I've been looking through for the past few weeks. The ones that shut out all of the shit. All of the negativity. All of the people who only want to be miserable and make others that way. The ones that shut out the lack of motivation of others and myself. The ones that only let me look forward. The ones that make me want to hop on the computer and make a list of all the reasons why I'm so lucky. Why was today so rough? Yes i lost my love and my job but it's so much better than so many other people have it. 

I am so grateful for:

My family

My cats

My friends who make me laugh

My friends who genuinely care

My Music

My belongings that make me happy

My sunshine

My health

My family's health

My college education

My heart

My motivation

My passion for life

My loyalty to others

My ability to move forward with my life carefully choosing the people who I let in it. 

Eminem keeps popping up in my head. "Life is no nintendo game." He's right. It's not. Even Mario only had like 3 lives. 

I just looked over and Mowgli was holding his head. He's obviously struggling tonight, too.